Nurturing Ourselves in Relationships

Let's pause for a moment and express gratitude for the strides we've taken in this transformative journey toward self-love thus far. As we approach a bend in the road toward the conclusion of this series, a profound truth reveals itself – the art of loving oneself can both begin and deepen even within the embrace of a relationship. To clarify, the quest to expand our practice of self-love is not a solitary path. Society may suggest that one must diligently cultivate self-love before delving into the depths of a partnership. However, it's equally crucial to understand that nurturing and cherishing ourselves in a relationship is not just possible, but essential. As we weave together our expanded understanding of love, let's embrace the beautiful duality of self-love within and alongside the beautiful connection held with another soul. 

As Black women, we frequently navigate a complex tapestry of expectations and societal conditioning, suggesting that embracing self-love might be perceived as selfish. The narrative encourages us to embody roles as givers, nurturers, and caretakers, occasionally neglecting our own well-being in the process. It becomes paramount to dismantle this ingrained belief and warmly embrace the idea of being self-full rather than selfish. In honoring our own needs, we not only rejuvenate our spirits but also redefine the narrative, fostering a culture of self-love that radiates from within. 

So, what sets apart selfishness from being self-full? Selfishness originates from a place of disregard for others, frequently at their expense. On the flip side, embodying self-fullness is a practice of honoring and nurturing ourselves without diminishing the needs and desires of those we hold dear. It entails maintaining a beautiful balance between prioritizing self-care and extending genuine care to others.  

As we warmly welcome the healing influence of placing our self-love practice at the forefront within relationships, life graciously unfolds an opportunity for us to cultivate love from a foundation of completeness, compassion, gratitude, and generosity. Although it might seem counterintuitive at first glance, this truth holds abundant strength. When we wholeheartedly attend to our needs, we not only enhance our personal existence but also equip ourselves to love and support our partner in ways previously unimagined. 

Naturally, the journey of self-prioritization molds us into the most authentic and empowered version of ourselves, and this authenticity becomes a precious gift bestowed upon our loved ones. It's an ode to the interconnected nuance between self-love and shared love, one that propels both personal and relational growth.  

Furthermore, the shift in prioritizing our needs in relationships extends its benefits beyond ourselves and our partners to embrace our wider community. When we embrace our power and love ourselves wholeheartedly, the impact resonates far and wide, creating a ripple effect of love that fortifies and empowers those we encounter. This essentially encourages everyone to become more robust and resilient in their respective journeys. 

Now, let's delve into how we can practice self-love, even within the bounds of a relationship: 

• Uphold and Maintain Practices and Rituals: Often, as you step into relationships, one of the initial sacrifices might be the abandonment of the rituals and practices you meticulously crafted while reveling in your singlehood. The fear of being perceived as peculiar or excessively rigid may tempt you to let go of these personal traditions. It's essential, however, to recall that these practices and rituals are the very foundation of your journey toward healing, growth, and success. In the unfortunate event that the relationship doesn't unfold as intended, it's these very practices to which you'll return. Hence, maintaining them is a valuable investment in your well-being. Additionally, the person who harmonizes with your values and perspectives is likely to offer support for these rituals, understanding their significance. If not, they may not be the right ones for you, and that realization, too, becomes a crucial part of your journey. 

• Continue Releasing Limiting Beliefs: Acknowledge that abundance is inherently yours by birthright. Purposefully set the intention to liberate yourself from antiquated beliefs that constrain your potential, allowing you to dwell in the realm of abundance and endless possibilities. 
• Allow Time for Stillness: Amid life's overwhelming moments, don't solely lean on your partner for solace. Embrace those pauses for stillness and self-reflection, tapping into your innate ability to self-soothe when needed. Within the hush, you gain the clarity to see yourself and hear the profound truths beneath the clamor of your mind. 

• Maintain Space and Independence: Even within the most affectionate relationships, it's vital to uphold a measure of personal space and independence. Cherish and nurture your individuality as an integral part of the dance of love. 

• Be Accountable for Your Own Happiness: At the core of your well-being resides a truth: the responsibility for your happiness lies squarely within your own hands. It's an empowering realization that invites you to delve into the depths of your inner world to discover the joy that transcends external circumstances. Instead of tethering your happiness solely to the unpredictable ebb and flow of your relationship, cultivate a resilient sense of contentment that emanates from within. Embrace self-discovery and explore the facets of yourself that radiate peace and build a foundation of internal well-being that remains steadfast amid life's fluctuations. Ultimately, be in the practice of continuously reclaiming agency over your happiness and crafting a beautiful existence rooted in the depths of your own being. 

• Embrace Your Power: In this moment, if there's one thing to hold onto, let it be the unwavering truth that you are an inherently powerful being. Never forget that your strength and independence were the magnetic forces that drew your partner close from the beginning. Instead of retreating in the face of misalignment, embrace the freedom to express your feelings, thoughts, and perspectives with respect and love. Your voice matters, not just to them, but, more importantly, to yourself. Your feelings are valid, your thoughts are significant, and your perspective holds weight in your journey. 
• Own Your Flaws: Embrace the beauty of being a continual work in progress. Take ownership of your imperfections, mistakes, and shortcomings without a trace of shame. Recognize that growth unfolds in the most exquisite and transformative ways throughout this beautiful journey. 

• Embrace Love as a Verb: Comprehend that love is more than a noun; it's an active verb, a force manifest in deeds, not just words. Anticipate the expression of your partner's love through their actions, mirroring the way you express your own. Love, in its essence, is a continuous reciprocation of shared actions, a beautiful expression of an honored connection. 

• Set Clear Expectations: Set the standard for how you desire to be treated. Never compromise on the respect and love that you inherently deserve. 

• Lean into Vulnerability: In a world that often celebrates stoicism, there's a unique power in allowing yourself to be open, raw, and authentic. Vulnerability is not a weakness; it's a courageous act of self-love. When you lean into vulnerability, you invite genuine connection, deepening the roots of your relationships. It's an acknowledgment that your stories, struggles, and triumphs deserve to be shared. So, let yourself courageously unfold your layers, sharing the beauty of your authentic self. 

• Seek Validation Within: Rather than seeking validation from your partner, turn inward to find validation and self-worth. You stand as a complete and invaluable entity all on your own. 

As we conclude, let's carry with us a vital truth: the journey of self-love is an endless journey. By tending to the relationship, we have with ourselves, we not only empower our own growth but also uplift our partners and the entire community around us. It's a transformative path leading to a richer, deeper connection, not only with others but, more specifically, with ourselves.  

My learnings from the teachings of Dr. Reverend Iyanla Vanzant underscore that the most significant relationship we navigate is the one with ourselves — an amalgamation of our Creator's essence, soul, spirit, heart, and body. Moreover, every external relationship mirrors what unfolds within us internally. If we sense misalignment in our connections, it beckons us to introspect, for life invariably directs us back to ourselves.  

So, Beloved, relish the exquisite journey of love, growth, and healing. Isn't it a delectable adventure?

Until next time, embrace peace and love on the Journey Up! 

Ase`! 

Here's Your Daily Journal Prompt:  

How do you interpret the notion that every external relationship is a direct reflection of what is happening within you internally? Think about a recent interaction or relationship dynamic in your life. How might this reflect aspects of your internal landscape, emotions, or beliefs? 

One Last Note:  

Stay tuned. The Path and The Power of Self-Love will be available for purchase January 1, 2024. 

For further inspiration and resources, feel free to explore our Journey Up! Book Club, peruse the shelves of our Journey Up! Library,  immerse yourself in Meditation and Affirmation Videos, or join our Growth Academy, and join our Membership Program (app). You can also join the waitlist for our upcoming Classes and Masterminds.