Love's Law

BY NAJE BADU LOVE

I want to demonstrate how being aware of our ability, or inability, to successfully offer love, and more importantly, to love ourselves as uncompromisingly as we are, immediately changes our experience of life and how we perceive the world surrounding us. Some of us have reached an inevitable point where something has to give. Arriving at such awareness is commendable; however, determining which aspects of our lives need shifting, shaping, or removing may be arduous, especially in the moment of overwhelm and discontent. For your respective journey, please begin digesting the meaning behind the declaration: Whatever you feel, think, perceive, and believe to be true is, and will always be, reflected in your external life. Whatever you feel, think, perceive, and believe to be true about yourself is, and will always be, reflected in your life experience. 

Many of us remain oblivious to how maintaining limited perspectives of what we believe possible is spawned by the unhealthy thoughts and perceptions we hold about who we are. Our reasons for uttering excuses that temporarily justify our shortcomings are rooted in our inclination to sabotage potential outcomes to avoid failure and rejection. Frequently, this occurs before we even attempt to endeavor a path that leads us from dream to fruition. Hence, before we can understand our reasoning behind self-sabotaging actions and behaviors, or even the buts, justifications, and excuses we use to validate deficiency, we must first begin to realize where in our lives we are unloving. Arriving at this awareness entails having the courage to stand in our pain and be accountable for what we are tolerating, excusing, allowing, or enabling ourselves to treat our mind, body, and heart unkindly. It also requires being accountable for what we accept; or mindful of when we allow others to treat our minds, bodies, and hearts unkindly. We must also identify the parts of ourselves that hinder us from standing fully in our power - to rise above fear and perceived limitations.  

Cultivating mindfulness about how unkindly we treat ourselves will help us gain insight into how to move forward in our lives much more lovingly. This is the first step to leading ourselves into a more fulfilling existence. The wisdom we need can be garnered when we are willing to reflect on some of the internal inquiries listed below. 

Consider taking a moment to sit alone in a quiet space with minimal distractions. I would even pull out a pen and a journal to jot down thoughts that arise consequent to contemplation. As you do this, I also encourage you to breathe deeply and allow yourself to hear precisely what it is you need to take the next “right step” toward loving yourself more fully. 

• Sit still and reflect on your past. 
• Deliberate over your choices and decisions that have led to this very moment in your life. Also, contemplate your current choices and decisions and consider where they will lead you in the future.
• Be honest with yourself. Evaluate aspects of your life that are or are not working. Change transpires the moment you decide to confront the truth head-on. 
• Assess which of your relationships no longer support you or your desire to experience more, better, and more extraordinary aspects of who you are. 
• Determine where you choose, live, and be small or well beneath your potential.  
• Identify whether or not your job or career path aligns with what you truly desire to have, be, or experience in life. 
• Contemplate moments in your life where you have treated yourself unlovingly or unkindly or even where you have allowed others to follow suit and cause you to feel insecure and unworthy of what you truly desire to have, experience, and become.   
• Reflect on times you used a “but” to explain why a desired outcome or experience has yet to make its way into your life. Consider whether or not your comfort is more significant than your will to love yourself enough to fulfill your dreams and aspirations.   

Why am I asking you to think about these things? 

Well, the more you begin to understand what is or is not serving you or your life, the more you will be able to reflect on what is compelling you to allow these things to remain, as well as hinder you from creating what you truly desire. The most responsible action in the change process involves taking ownership of what is playing out in your life. The moment you can do this is the moment you will truly realize the power of choice. As you transition from reflection to revelation, you will be presented with an opportunity to make a different selection or decide to pursue alternative possibilities. Remember, opting to reflect doesn’t necessarily permit you to judge what may very well be unloving or unkind choices but instead allows you to focus on the possibility of growth and healing.  

Changing how you feel about yourself and the circumstances around you is not always easy if you are accustomed to entertaining negative self-talk and criticism or choosing destructive ways. Here are some points to consider as you begin to make the shift of offering yourself to the world as love: 

• Be specific. Have an honest conversation about what love is to you and how you desire it to be displayed in your life – from yourself and others. It’s the only way you’ll be able to measure whether or not your choices and decisions align with what you deem loving.  
• Love yourself fully. Start with deciding to do so always and in all ways - compassionately and unapologetically. 
• Learn exactly what it is you have to contribute to this world. Envision how you will make a unique contribution to the world during your lifetime. Once you have done so, make every effort to ensure that your thoughts, choices, beliefs, and actions align with an earnest intention to carry out the vision. 
• Know that what you give to the world will return to you equally. 
• Choose an optimistic perception or outlook of what you have or have not attracted into your life. 
• Remember: Nothing exists in your life if it was not first invited - consciously or otherwise. 
• Trust without any doubt that everything you encounter is meant to teach you a lesson through which the wisdom you obtain can be applied towards greater things that you will be able to create later in life. Understanding this means recognizing what and why you are attracting certain people, relationships, circumstances, and situations. Remember, whatever you encounter is life’s way of responding to something you consciously or unconsciously requested, thought, or believed. 
• Evaluate the not-so-good perspectives you maintain about who you are and what has become of your life so the awareness about the aspects of yourself that require healing or more love begins to expand. 
• Positively align your thoughts and perceptions about what you believe to be possible through you. 
• Happiness and fulfillment grow more abundant the moment you think, speak, believe, and feel in good and loving ways. 
• The need for excuses to validate rejection and failure ceases to exist when you experience all things in life as love - this includes you.  

One of the most significant steps to overcoming challenges and transcending perceived limitations involves learning to love yourself completely. This entails being accountable for everything in your life, no matter who else may be involved. Loving yourself also entails refuting urges to criticize or judge previous choices, actions, decisions, and behaviors that result in undesired situations. To love yourself is to know that you are not your circumstances but a culmination of experiences, which include your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. To love yourself fully is to recognize that you have made poor choices and decisions and then make better or wiser choices founded on the lessons and knowledge obtained from painful or contrasting experiences.  

(This is an excerpt from one of Naje’s books, Let Go of Your But! A Woman’s Guide to Loving Herself to Full Potential and Possibility.)

STAY CONNECTED: 

Naje Badu Love is the author of Let Go of Your But! A Woman’s Guide to Loving Herself to Full Potential and Possibility (purchase here). As an artist and illustrator, Naje founded Journal Up! (an organization designed to support people in their quest for true potential through journaling). to align her passion for writing, journaling and illustration as a means of connecting with and inspiring people around the globe.  You are invited to reach out to her via Facebook and LinkedIn by following the social media details below: 

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